Introspection

I let myself slip into the abyss of my black despair…I was enslaved by the prison of my thoughts. I can’t explain how I went from being overtly excited when I woke up yesterday morning to being emotionally disturbed by noon.

I had to pick myself up from where I let myself slump. I, against the will of my body, meditated on a few things. I have allowed many issues to disturb my pretty head: lack of finances, my career plans not working out the way I’d like…the list is endless. I, Toyin, the tough little lady who tells people to cast their cares upon the Lord and blah de blah de blah…I have not heeded my advice.

I sat on the floor in my room and decided I would not be unhappy. I would bring that grin back to my face. I know what revives my soul, what renews my spirit: its when I praise God from the depth of my heart. But how could I praise God with lead in place of my heart? I did the next best thing I could conceive: I listened to the album “Look to You” by Hillsong united.

Whilst listening, I realized I was being a tad selfish. There are other people who feel the way I felt and worse and here I was, in my field of paper flowers, having a pity party. With that, I got up, took a shower, baptized myself with sweet, smelling body splash, wore a summery dress and forced my lips to smile. Then I said out loud a few scriptures which make me smile. With time, the smile was real

I know that you have to give in order to receive and this applies also to your state of mind. I have to give words of encouragement to receive same; I have to learn to respect what is important to other people whether or not it is important to me.

There are people who have huge smiles like mine but their throats are constricted with tears that refuse to flow…say something truly pleasant to them. There are those who cannot betray their feelings and wear long faces…hug them. Just do something to make people smile from the depths of their hearts.

PS: Scriptures which make me smile include: Habakkuk 2:3; Proverbs 3: 5-6; 1^st Peter 2.