The conundrum that plagues the world (1)

We are all hypocrites. I know that statement has earned me a few self-righteous retorts but it is true. I lay on my bed pondering on a lot of things. Why am I hesitant about inviting my non-Christian friends and Christian friends for a small soiree? Here are my reasons:

1. My non-Christian friends would want to drink anything other than sugary and fizzy drinks; my Christian friends would wonder why I have lager, alcohol or the like.

2. My non-Christian friends would want to play ‘fun games’ while my Christian friends would be satisfied with sharing testimonies.

3. My non-Christian friends are oblivious to the term ‘indecent exposure’ while my Christian friends perpetually point out what’s decent and what’s not.

4. My non-Christian friends are ready to watch anything and everything while my Christian friends would have to read reviews about a movie before they watch.

5. My non-Christian friends are generous with sharing their escapades with the opposite sex while my Christian friends either have no escapades or they ‘code’ such escapades.

I can go on and on about this but life is not meant to be lived this way…or is it? Having different groups of friends? (Trust me; I have different groups of friends for different aspects and facets of my life). It all boils down to the fact that in reality, we are all hypocrites. I finally have matured to a point where I do not care if people disapprove of a friend because of ‘what she wears’, ‘how she speaks’ etc. after all, you also grind some other people’s gears.

Why is it difficult/almost impossible to accept people the way they are? We all want to change something about people so they can fit out idea about how a perfect person should be. We really should learn to accept people the way they are and stop forcing our beliefs down their throat. My previous statement is just an example of how we try to force our beliefs down people’s throats as some people are of the opinion that their beliefs should be forced down other people’s throats. This is the conundrum that plagues the world.

There are different ways of doing the same thing. Do not delude yourself otherwise. The most important thing to note is the fact that you need to find out which of the different ways works best for you….and stick with it or change it as often as you want to (whatever catches your fancy).

Don’t get me wrong; this is not an article on Christians and non-Christians, its one about our different set of beliefs and how we try to impose them on others. It’s about finding that delicate balance between adhering to your own set of beliefs and respecting the beliefs of others. I wish I could say I have fully mastered the art of achieving the perfect balance but I think I know how to describe the balance that we should strive to achieve.

Over the next few weeks, I would write about various double standards that exist and plague our world.

Availability

When do you draw the line between being available and your availability being taken for granted? I have always had that problem. I am the kind of person that can do anything for someone I care about, someone I call a friend. It never ceases to amaze me how I always 'give the benefit of the doubt' to people I know are just taking advantage of me.

The truth is we all take advantage of each other but in varying degrees. I know that I love being needed and this is perhaps the reason I always want to be there for a friend when he/she calls.

The fact is when you are always there for someone, you would always be taken for granted no matter what. Live your life without necessarily trying to bend over backwards pleasing people. Its hard to do this but of what use is it pleasing your friends at your expense, without them appreciating? The resentment that builds isn't worth it.

Learning to say no is indeed the first step. It is impossible to always be there for someone...and when you find your self in such position, then you know you are killing yourself slowly. There is nothing wrong in saying 'I would like to help you but I am sorry I cannot' or 'I am indisposed at the moment' or something of that nature.

I still have not achieved that delicate balance but I know that I am not interested in being anybody's foot-mat. If it is not convenient for me, I would say so and I do not care how you beg and plead.

Remember the law of diminishing returns.

My Dream Wedding

I have never been one to think about who my future partner would be or what my wedding day would be like. Recent events have made me give thought to such things…with everybody asking when I am getting married and all (bear in mind that I am not even in a relationship).

My dream wedding would be a breakfast wedding with 50 guests in attendance. I would wear a white, knee length dress with red trimmings, red shoes and a classy hat (no veil please, thank you very much). My groom would have the choice of what colour of suit he wants to wear (well, I won’t let him wear white).

The venue would be a classy Coffee Lounge/Bar  (I called it a breakfast wedding) and we would have tea, coffee, juice, smoothies, croissants, donuts, spring rolls, samosa, cakes, etc. (nothing too fancy). I am not sure I want a big wedding cake…but it would definitely be a chocolate cake…would give more thought to this.

I would not have bride’s maids and hopefully would convince husband to do away with the grooms men. There would be only two photographers and no video recording (I might change my mind on that). There would be no high table, chairman of the day, mummy/daddy of the day…or any of those mundane titles (forgive me but I am entitled to my opinions).

There would certainly be no dancing…if husband wants to dance, he is on his own as I have no inclination to dance neither do I have the requisite talent. Besides, the coffee lounge would not be large enough to accommodate such.

My new husband and I would leave the venue 12:00 p.m. for our honey moon (wherever he wants) and the guests can party on if they want.

Really, I do not want anything elaborate for my wedding and I know that would be difficult considering that my family members alone are more than 50 and I am a Nigerian…maybe I would organize the wedding in Australia.

Random Thoughts

I have too many things going on in this head of mine. I have come to that point where everyone inevitably gets to: the decision making period. For sure, I want my career to be a very exciting one, full of adventure, traveling and all that. I know that the legal field is for me and really can’t imagine switching careers anytime soon.

I started my Legal Consulting Firm earlier this year and it has been a wonderful experience so far. It’s a miracle because I never believed you could start something with almost nothing. I started with Ten thousand Naira and word of mouth. Drew up my plans and decided to start out.

I got my clients almost immediately (never underestimate the power of word of mouth). I bullied some people to register companies and I drew up agreements for others. In no time, my boss at work (no, I have not quit my 9-5 job) started procuring my services.

Although I am not yet where I want to be, I have a 5 year plan and I am sure I would accomplish more than I have set out to.

Stop dreaming and planning about what you want to do…start out. Do not regard you lack of funds. Be creative, find out what you can do without money. I would preach this because I did it and I am still doing it.

Although I don’t have an office space, I am going to employ someone soon and I know when I take that step, the office space would materialize. I still want to go back to school and all that, but it is going to be one step at a time.