Call a Spade a Spade

It amuses me to no end when people try to sugar coat something or try to be ‘politically correct’. I sincerely believe the world would be a better place if we all learned to say the truth in a deferential manner.

Recently, I saw a friend I haven’t seen in a long time and of course she had changed drastically, she was now fat. Yes, I said the f word. Not large/big boned, not PHAT (pretty, hot and tempting) but purely and simply fat. She got upset and said I had no right to call her fat. I proceeded to explain to her that being fat wasn’t necessarily a bad thing and calling fat another name didnt’t take away the fact that she was fat.

I find it highly ridiculous when people try to use politically correct terms…please call a spade a spade and NOT a digging tool. I think it stems from the fact that naturally, human beings like to deceive themselves about their current situation. I honestly think people should be fat and proud if they want to be. If you are not proud of it, then do something sensible and reasonable about it.

For example, I am short and proud and take no offense when I am called short. Seriously? I should be angry because you call me short? Am I not short? You would find it ridiculous if I told you ‘I am not short, I am just vertically challenged’. I can see you rolling on the floor and gasping for breath, it is ridiculous.

I am not promoting unhealthy eating and the like, I am fully aware that some people’s weight is hereditary; some have slow metabolism rates, etcetera. Nevertheless, my point is be comfortable in your own skin and do not let other people determine the way you feel about yourself. (I have been constantly called a short, thin bully and frankly, I believe my scorners are entitled to their opinions however flawed…although, if you call me that to my face, you would run into my fist 5 times).

My Birthday wishlist

It is that time of the year again, only this time it is different: I am going to be a year older. My birthday is on the 23^rd of December (the fourth Thursday in December) and please find below my wish list in alphabetic order:

1.      1 terabyte hard disk

2.      500 gig external hard drive

3.      A 2011 diary

4.      A masculine wristwatch (NOT leather strap please)

5.      Any book written by Tom Peters

6.      Anything from Victoria’s Secret

7.      Chic by Carolina Herera (for men)

8.      Dvd or Blue Ray of ‘The phantom of the opera’

9.      Euphoria Men by Calvin Klein

10.   Formal dresses (black, grey and brown) (size 6)

11.   Full payment of my LLM tuition (I start my masters in June)

12.   Hair Accessories

13.   Handbags

14.   Hard copy of the Lord of the Rings (books 1-4)

15.   Iphone

16.   Jewellery

17.   Monopoly

18.   Netbook (Sony preferably)/ an Ipad

19.   New pair of glasses (-2.00) or a box of contacts

20.   Nike Gear

21.   Nikon D7000

22.   Scrabble

23.   Shoes/ sandals/ slippers (size 38)

Thank you in advance.

A matter of National Importance

This is a very important issue that we have treated with great levity, a situation so critical it calls for immediate action. I really cannot fully express the urgency of this situation. Oh well, I would go straight to the point. It is the issue of our First Lady’s verbal communication ability.

Words cannot describe the way I felt the first time I heard her speak. I thought there was something wrong with my ears. The first thing that came to my mind was the fact that this woman had been a deputy governor’s wife, a governor’s wife, a vice-president’s wife and now the president’s wife…surely she had all the time in the world to perfect her communication skills.

Recently, I attended a dinner she hosted at the State House and boy, was I dumb founded. She had very intelligent things to say but I didn’t get over the fact that she couldn’t express herself coherently. What struck me the most was the fact that she had a speech in front of her! Now, my critiques would be quick to say ‘after all English is not our mother tongue’…that argument is a silly one in my opinion. English is the Lingua Franca of Nigeria and every Secondary School Graduate is expected to speak the Language in a manner that would be understood by a listener. You can argue that standards have fallen but the First Lady is supposed to be a role model to some and she ought to take steps to address her image (Dora Akunyili can give her tips about image rebranding)

Another critique said maybe it was her accent that made it difficult for me to decipher what she was saying. Again, I debunk that theory. I can mention names of highly placed Nigerians who have their local accents but speak good English. Effective communication can be made regardless of the speaker’s accent.

One of my friends even suggested that she should speak in her local dialect and have an interpreter communicate her words effectively to us. She could use the ruse that she is promoting indigenous languages in Nigeria and none of us would bat an eyelid. 

Most of all, I am not amused that no one in her inner circle had the courtesy to suggest that she engages the services of a linguist, speech therapist, language instructor or whatever. It is pure wickedness to let this issue run its course. I mean, her husband could have subtly insinuated that she did something about it.

Do not misunderstand me, my intention is not to insult anyone but to state the obvious as it seems a lot of people are fearful to do so. I am merely suggesting we do something about this fast. The mother of all horrors would be if she is to have a debate with Michelle Obama…